Clarence - The Angel: “Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?”
The holiday season is upon us once again and my thoughts turn to those I love, those I've lost and those people who just, for one reason or another just fade away.
This is the second Christmas without my Dad. Losing him still hurts, but it's a dull pain or an awful hole in my heart. Not the sharp ache I felt when my Mom called to tell me she thought he was dead, or the excruciating sting I felt at his funeral. Just a sad, sweet memory of Christmas growing up in a normal, fairly well-adjusted Midwest house, where both parents worked and we took regular summer vacations. We went to church on Christmas Eve, and if we’d been VERY good all year, then Santa came while we were at church. We could play with our toys as late as we wanted and I very often fell asleep under the lights of the tree. (I later figured out that this was so that Mom and Dad could sleep in on Christmas morning!)
I could always talk to my Mom, of course, girls always talk to their Moms. That's just natural. But if I had been done an injustice, it was my Dad that came out fighting. He came to my defense just like a tiger. No one could hurt his little girl.
I look at my Christmas tree in my house, where my family will celebrate our 12th Christmas. I look at it and think back to so many Christmas's in our house where I grew up. A normal four-bedroom, two-bath, two-car-garage, "split ranch" in Kansas City, Missouri. A nice house. Not the McMansions so popular today. Not flashy by Dallas standards. Probably not flashy by any standards today. I miss having all of our family over for Christmas like we did in Kansas City. Mom was always preparing for "company". Cooking, cleaning, decorating. And I loved it! So much so that I've tried to continue those traditions in my own home.
So many of the people that celebrated with us over the years have moved on to their heavenly home. All of my Dad's family is gone. My Dad was the baby of the family, (which is why I think he loved me so much - we could relate to each other) and he was the last to leave the Earth. My Mom has only one sister left. My sister has been dead for almost 13 years. Thank God I still have my Mom. At 88, she's a little forgetful and a bit unsteady on her feet. I wish that I could have my Mom of 10 years ago to go Christmas shopping with me. But she's still here with me and if that's the best I can do, then I'll take it!
I wonder if all my dearly departed loved ones are getting ready to celebrate Christmas in Heaven. It only makes sense to me that everyone in Heaven would be preparing to celebrate the birth of Jesus. Not the kind of Chuck E. Cheese birthday celebration, but a divine celebration. With choirs of angels and awesome beauty.
For those I love, I think of making this Christmas the best! I've not worked since March, so even though my husband makes a good living, there won't be any extravagant, over-the-top gifts under the tree. No plasma TV’s (I bought one for my husband for Father's Day) or shiny new BMW's with a big red bow in the driveway, like you see in the commercials (Does anybody REALLY do this, by the way?). No, the kids have indicated their contentment and have asked for relatively small items. My husband has asked for gloves, which I'll gladly spend an entire afternoon searching for the ideal pair. He is such a wonderful man and gives of himself unselfishly every day of the year. It's because of him that I am able to be an old-fashioned, stay-at-home Mom.
For some of my friends, this will be a sad Christmas. Some are unemployed, not by their own choice, and this year has been difficult for them. My heart goes out to them and I pray that they will find inner peace, and gainful employment, in the coming year.
I think about my children too. One is mine by choice; a "step son" if you will. He is a wonderful, kind-hearted kid that has had a couple of tough breaks. The break up of his parents, probably being the worst. I often wonder if he'll come to see me in the "old folks home". I hope so. The other is a rapturous 11-year old boy that is the apple of his mother's eye. He's sweet, sentimental and loveable.
I now know what my Mom meant when she said she didn't want anything "material" for Christmas, she just wanted her family to be happy and healthy. I wish the same for my family now, so many years later. Making memories for my kids so they can have wonderful reminiscences when they’re grown, is my main objective. Life is what you make it. Our time here on Earth is fleeting, at best. We can make life wonderful for those we love by being kind, considerate and caring.
